Tuesday, April 14, 2009

This is my cousin, he's African.

OK, so me and Angie are gonna go out. We have planned it all week. We are going to Bubbaz and we are gonna take FULL advantage of their $2 u call it drink specials.

We are dressed, at her house, having some Ho Juice (recipe to follow) and her phone rings. It's her friend W. and he wants to come check her out for a minute. She hasn't seen him in awhile so she tells him sure.."But I am going out so don't be trying to stay all night..."

Well, W. gets there and he has his cousin with him. I was in the bathroom touching up my hair and makeup because, as all women know, alcohol in your system makes you look way shittier than you did BEFORE you started drinking....this is the level just before BEER GOGGLES, when EVERYONE looks great.

So annnyway, I come out of the bathroom, magically restored to my pre-drinking appearance, and BOOM. There he is. 6'1'', nice teeth, bedroom eyes, nice haircut...sort of built like my baby daddy, Will Smith.

He is ENAMORED. IMMEDIATELY. I know that the last minute restoration trip to the bathroom was worth it because this guy is eating me up with his eyes..and I have had enough Ho Juice to let him. LMAO@me.

We get introduced and everyone sits down at the table.

Man, this guy is funny. He is Chris Tucker style funny. I am diggin what he is puttin down. After talking for a while, Angie is shocked to discover that he is African, from Nigeria.

Angie thinks all Africans are as dark as burnt toast. She thinks they all have thick French accents, wear mismatched clothes slathered with way too much Drakkar cologne.


Hubba hubba. This guy is suave. He doesn't speak French (ha ha Angie) but does speak a language that is native to his tribe, Abua. But he has lived in Chicago for many years and so he has almost no accent.

We all decide to play cards and then W. proceeds to try and talk Angie and I into staying home. I was cool with it, but she wasn't having it.

Cousin was ready and willing to go "wherever she's going". She being me. Heee. W. took some work but eventually was willing to go play a few games of pool.

So we ride up to Bubbaz and after a brief stint in the parking lot in which W. had to blow chunks...we went in and got a pool table.

Cousin is a really, really nice guy. Plus he is hot. We played pool, had a few drinks then went back to Angie's.

We get to Angie's and her code for the garage won't work. She doesn't have her house keys with her. WTF? How do you NOT take your keys. Angie asks if anyone can get in with a credit card. Huh?? So Cousin takes the credit card...does a little felonious appearing manuever and WHA-LAH! we are in the house.

I'm like "Uhhh Angie, he just broke into your house..." no one seemed to be concerned.

Of course a night out with me and Angie cannot be a night out without some form of drama...Angie and W. were watching TV in her room and Cousin and I were talking about bands and music when there was a loud obnoxious knock on the door.

I go to the door and say LOUDLY "Whose knocking on the door like the damn po-lice?!" I look out the peep whole and to my surprise...IT WAS THE PO-LICE!

Officer Panties ina Wad tells me there has been a "noise complaint". I'm like, huh? We JUST got home and the only thing on is the TV. So she tells me to "turn it down" and I can "Leave the door open" while she waits. Wow. Are you serious?? So I turn the TV off and apologize (for what I don't know) and she leaves.

I spent the better part of the rest of the evening talking to The African Cousin who also happens to be able to sing very well, too.

I gave him my number and he has called me twice so far. LOL each time with his very Chris Tucker-like greeting of "Whatchooo doin gurrrrl?" and "You know I like you guuuurl"

Hmmmm...very very interesting indeed.


1 shot hundred proof Vodka
2 shots Apple Vodka
equal amount of Cranberry juice
1 shot of Red Bull
mixed well over ice

Strike 1: Choppers

I met him online. Blackplanet.com to be exact. He sent me a message, I checked out his profile. My first thought,"He has nice teeth". You can tell alot about a person by their teeth. Crackheads, meth heads, dusty men with poor hygiene, all indicated in the condition of the mouth...

So ya. We messaged back and forth. I found out he was in the military...he blows shit up. Even asked if I needed anything or anyone blown up. Hmmm may have to keep this number, was my thought here.

We had an instant chemistry. We are both Geminis and not that I plan my life around astrology, there can be some truth to it. The conversation flowed effortlessly.

He has a son that lives in California, where he is originally from...Inglewoooood! He likes to say "left coast" and drinks St. Ides. Ya...alrighty. But remember HE HAS GOOD TEETH.

We proceed on to exchanging numbers and we talk and text for about a week. He sends me some non perverted pictures and he is handsome. Wears Ed Hardy, (WELL!), likes sushi, loves to shop. hmmmm...interesting.

So one night I am asleep...it's like 12:30 and "Choppers" calls me on the cell. He is HIT. Hit like chicken shit. Been drinking St. Ides and is now on his 2nd 40 oz. Lightweight you say? Possibly.
So ya, I'm talking to his drunk ass because he is comical. Very funny dude. He's talking about this and that..says we need to go out for sushi that weekend, finally meet. I'm like, cool. Sounds like a plan.

So then we start talking about clubs and social settings we enjoy...he begins to tell me that occasionally he likes to go to places like The 10, Talbott Street, Greg's Place. This is followed by an awkward silence on my part. FYI, these are GAY bars.

So I ask him how that works out for him. He tells me that he has no problem with "it", "it" is just a part of "who he is". (Uhhh come again?)

So I am WIDE awake now. I gotta pursue this subject and I feel I should pursue it NOW. So I ask him "What do you do there?" He tells me in a completely offhand kind of way that he isn't all "out there like that". And I quote, "I've never sucked any d**k or been f**ked in the ass...nothin crazy like THAT".

Oh wellll in THAT case...OMG. Is this dude serious? Then I realize he is totally serious. He thinks this is cool. I am thinking this is worth further investigation.

Now at this point, I have NO intentions of pursuing anything more than a completely PLATONIC relationship with this guy. I consider myself to be pretty open minded, but this is more that even I can deal with...

So, he asks if I am cool with him still and I tell him ya, we're friends, it's all good. We talk for awhile longer and then he is off to go prowl around...my thought here..he didn't say that.

That Friday night, we meet up for sushi. And of course, just as my luck would have it, he is friggin HOT. I mean SMOKIN'. 6'3'', nice build, gorgeous teeth, dressed great, smellin good...WTF?!?

I had arrived early and had a couple drinks before he got there. So I was in chillax mode when he got there and we had THE BEST dinner. Ate, drank, he was funny as hell and we got along in person as well as we did on the phone. We closed the place down and had to be asked to leave. LOL

I tried to pay for my part of the bill since I knew I was on straight friend mode but Choppers wouldn't have it. He got the bill and walked me to my car and was a complete gentleman. Again I say, WTF???

We talk still and he is a really cool guy. But this dude is definitely on the down low. Which, of course, is just my damn luck. Couldn't be all this and STRAIGHT. That would be too much like right.

Which brings about my thought for the day..."If a man tells you he might be into men, too...is that still conisdered being on the down low?"

Is this my life...and how did i get here?

As you may or may not know...I am single. Again. Just typing that makes me giggle inside...not that excited girly giggly. More like that uhhh-i don't really wanna do this shit but I have no choice- nervii giggly.

Most people might find the thought of dating again as fun. Exciting. Tantalizing. (I love that word so I had to use it...heee) Especially those that might be bored, tired of their same ole same ole, having a mid life crisis, or any other moment of temporary insanity like emotion that may make this shit seem fun.

Well, I have never been very good at dating. I do not date multiple people well. At all. I cannot keep the facts straight. I forget from guy to guy who went to what school, where they work, when their birthday is, what movies they like, what they love to eat...all that stuff that makes people think that the other person is "paying attention". I just forget. So what happens is this, I usually find a guy that seems OK and one that I basically like and go with that...now this may sound kind of crappy and maybe it is so this is the purpose of this blog.

I am going to let all who care to read follow me on my dating journey. (EGADS!!!) Feel free to post all comments, helpful hints, etc. as I need all the help I can get in this area.

I am not going to mention any names of the men involved but do promise to include as many details as possible so you all can get a good idea of what I am dealing with....damn did that sound crunchy?? LOL

I have decided to pursue mainly online prospects so I feel pretty confident in saying that this should prove to be extremely entertaining.

They say you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince...so pucker up buttercup!